I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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