Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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