she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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