it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize