3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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