I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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