Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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