I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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