I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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