I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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