mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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