I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize