She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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I don't deserve a penis
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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