I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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