you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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