He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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