Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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