you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The feeling are messing with the penis
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I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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