Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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