...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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