I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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