I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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