you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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