her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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