You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
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I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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