If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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