Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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