I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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