I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Rumble strips road head = magical
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize