Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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