i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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