bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
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What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Come on in and take your pants off
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