awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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