What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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