The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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