It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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