Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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