She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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