ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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