There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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