what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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