k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize