...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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