Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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