The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize