What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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