I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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