I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
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There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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