Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
