She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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