he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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